This shit is so frustrating. I feel like I'm trying so hard but NOTHING I do is ever enough. I'm trying to let go of all these negative and hurtful things that I feel. I'm trying to see things from his perspective & consider what he's feeling & what he needs from me. It's hard though when he keeps being mean & having an attitude all the time. All cuz he totally misunderstood some shit he overheard me talking about with some guy.
& it's so unfair, after all the shit he put me through in the past.. all the lies & deceit. I always took him back & forgave and given him a million chances to make it better and change. & even though I had ALL the right to be a bitch & treat him like shit I never put him through what he's putting me through right now. He's so cold & distant. I know I hurt him but I'm trying to show him that it was a misunderstanding & that I really am sorry. It hurts to even think of him. It feels like I don't even know him or even have a boyfriend at all. I keep praying for the wisdom to know what to do, the guidance in how to handle this situation, the strength to be patient no matter how hurtful or unfair he's being.. to just put up with it for now so that I can really show him that I'm trying & that I love him & want him to be ok.
I just miss him. I hope we can get through this. I need to be strong and keep fighting for him just like he has always fought for me and our love & relationship so many times before. I'll do my best to see the man that I love in him. & not the mean, distant person that I don't even know that he's acting like right now. Please Lord, help me save my relationship <3