Monday, May 18, 2009

So tired of these routine fights.

I'm so tired of fighting with Derick over the dumbest shit. It has become an everyday routine. Like for instance my clothes. It's not even like I dress like a hoe or something. I wear skirts here and there, I show a little cleavage or wear tight jeans but nothing over the top. I hate being controlled. Even if my top is showing just a little bit of boobs he's on my case like there's no tomorrow to cover up. It's so dumb. I want to wear wtf I want to wear. I already talked to him about this a million times and he says he will chill. But most of the time, he just does the same thing. It's funny to watch him struggle trying not to bug me about it.

I get that he doesn't want other guys checking me out or talking to me or whatever, but honestly, I get hit on even if I'm just in my scrubs or bumming it. I'm not trying to be conceited or whatever but it's the truth. Like wouldn't guys usually be flattered or something if they have a hot gf? lol idk. It's soo annoying and it reminds me of my dad when he gets like that. That's just one of the petty things we fight about. I hate being controlled.

This weekend was so bad. I don't think we have ever had a weekend like that where we literally fought the entire time. It was soo bad. OMG. Seriously, it's to the point where it's not healthy anymore. If we didn't really love each other it would have been over a long time ago. One thing I really love about him is that even if I did try to end it, he would never let me. & he would never instigate breaking up with me either. I'm always the one who says shit like that when I'm just so tired and fed up. Ughh it's so hard. I feel like I need to be away from him just to find some kind of peace even for just 5 minutes. Away from our constant fighting and misunderstandings. We just see things soo differently. But for the few times we are not fighting, that's what I keep fighting for. When we're not fighting, we're so happy and blissful. Ughh why cant it be like that most of the time instead of us fighting most of the time?

I feel myself getting tired and restless. I need to get away from all this drama. I need some space. UGhhhhhhh

I hate how my cousin keeps confusing me and telling me all this shit. I know her intentions are good but I'm already stressed out as it is. I don't need anymore.

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