Tuesday, February 15, 2011


The past 7 weeks have been the saddest and loneliest weeks of my life. Everything in my "relationship" seems to be falling apart. Ive tried my hardest to save us but it seems almost hopeless. I've stopped worrying and wondering about what to do. I'm gonna keep doing my best to make it workout and then leave the rest up to GOD. I'm so tired of thinking and being scared of whats gonna happen. I wish I could turn off my brain. Yesterday was our 6 year anniversary and valentines day. We weren't able to be together because he was in the hospital. Thank the LORD that hes ok. I know we're both just tired. Tired of our fighting, tired of the pain and misunderstanding and trust issues and all the unsolved problems and hurt. I feel like maybe real time apart is what we need. Time to figure out what we want, time apart to miss each other and learn to appreciate each other. Everytime I bring up something like that he gets upset that being apart is always my solution. That i never want to put in the real effort and time and hard work so that things can actually be fixed completely. But its so hard. It takes two people to make a relationship work. & I really feel like I'm on my own. He feels so justified and entitled to be right. That I'm the one who needs to work and show him change and all that. & I know he did alot of things for me also. But in reality I know it can never work unless we work together.
Love is forgiveness. Love is compassion and kindness. Love is never mean and cruel.

I've been such a total mess. I finally lost the weight I've been trying to lose forever cause I've been too sad to eat. My face looks like its aged years. I haven't gone out or done anything I like to do. I sleep with my mom every night

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