My usual cam whore sessions

Venting

I'm so stressed. My nclex is this Tuesday! & on top of that I'm mad stressing on this massive weight I have to lose. I want to be fit and healthy again. I'm doing better, but I'm so busy having to study so much cause I only have a couple more days left before my test that I'm to stressed to work out. It's ok I guess since I really need to make sure I pass my test first, then after I take it I can work out without worrying about anything else. For now, I'll make sure that I make my calorie intake lower on days when I can't work out. Like today, I was already stressed enough and I got into a fight with my bf again and definetely did not feel like working out anymore. Tomorrow I will work out when my bf goes to Jedokan, I feel so fat.. ughh! I can't wait till I'm sexy again! OK OK I gotta focus on my NCLEX! I have to stress about my weight later! AHHHHHHHHH!! I feel like I'm about to explode!

I MISS YOU ATE JIAN!!
(sorry we have no cute photos together lol.)

Nasty Shady Immature Hypocritical BITCHHH!!!!

Yesterday was my grandma and aunt's birthday party. I was really looking forward to having fun with family and friends and good food. I still can't believe that MY OWN COUSIN would put me on blast and call me out like that in front of my boyfriend, friends and some of my family members. I can't believe she had the nerve to cause a scene like that and literally start talking shit and cussing me out. The things she knew would hurt me the most she called me out on in front of everyone. She brought it fucking low and below the belt status. & calling me a hoodrat and an ungreatful bitch? Are you serious? This bitch is 32 fucking years old. GROW THE FUCK UP WHORE! & she seriously thought I was just gonna sit there and take it? No bitch I'm fucking grown. She thinks I'm still a little girl who would put up with her fat ass mouth? Hell naw! I don't give a fuck if shes my older cousin. Who would respect someone who acts that way . She even kept coming back to harass me some more like this is some high school shit. & even after I left she had the nuts to start shit with my brother, MY BOYFRIEND, and FRED! WTF?!? Is she crazy??! I love my brother though he got into a fight with her for trying to defend me haha. Man, I just feel so bad for her. She is so pathetic and immature it's so sad. & a fucking hypocrite. This bitch talks about being a christian and loving Jesus but she can't even shut her mouth and let me be. She just HAD to start shit with her own little cousin. Even when my brother and I got into a fight a while back she was telling us were family we gotta stick together. If we have issues we should talk it out and not say mean things to each other. But this bitch cant even follow her own advice. Shes supposed to be the fucking ATE. WOW. She could've simply told me she was upset about something and we couldve talked it out and fixed it. but what did she do? Ran her fat ass mouth. She doesn't think before she acts. I don't want people like this around me so I'm glad she's gone. PEACE THE FUCK OUT BITCH! Anyways, sorry I really had to vent. I'm still in shock that my own flesh and blood would treat me this way. I'll still post some pics from the party before the drama went down. I didn't even get to take pics of the birthday girls cuz I was too upset & heated! Ughh!



She's really 82 obviously but idk who switched the candles lol









My brother has my back for real!

I miss you hun!

"I asked for light, God gave me the sun, I asked for water, God gave me rain, I asked for happiness, and God gave me you."

Even in spite of our situation, I still love you.

I love my boyfriend so much. Sometimes, my love for him hits me so hard I feel like crying. I know that sounds so cheesy but I'm totally serious.
Today was one of the first days in so long where we didn't fight. I wish it could be like this all the time. I just don't know what our problem is. We love each other so much, we care for each other so much, but we just can't seem to agree on things. I'm really starting to wonder how I could spend my life with someone just fighting, even if we really are in love. But I guess I already have the answer. If you love someone unconditionally, you just love them. You don't give up just cause there are fights or cause things are not perfect. We've come all this way, gotten through EVERYTHING together. You don't just throw that away.
Today I decided to really give this relationship everything I have so that we can get past these pointless fights and disagreements and just be happy. I've been feeling so numb from the rocky times we're going through that I haven't been putting as much effort into this relationship as I know I could. It's been so hard. Loving someone but at the same time they make you sad and miserable. Not because the love isn't there, but because we're just so different. We literally fight about everything and of course if your constantly fighting, it's gonna be difficult to be happy. I love him so much I have to give it everything I've got. We'll get past this just like we always do.

"LOVE doesn’t hold grudges. It doesn’t keep thinking over and over again about how someone hurt you. LOVE doesn’t give up just cause something goes wrong or cause your feelings are hurt. Those who love just keep right on loving" :)
"Being in love with someone isn't always going to be easy. It is often filled with anger and tears. It is when you want to be together despite it all. That is when you are truly in love."

Finally figured it out!

I'm so happy! I finally figured out what I really want to do with my life! I never wanted to do nursing. It was always just a backup for me. I knew I had bigger dreams and bigger passions. Even through nursing school, the more I realized it just wasn't for me. Now I know what I really want to do as a life long career. I WANT TO BE A FORENSIC SCIENTIST!

Ever since I was young I was always so interested in mysterious things, always wanted to play detective and solve crimes. Anything freaky and weird and that didn't make sense just seemed to intrigue me. I always watched Forensic Files, Snapped and any show & movie that had to do with solving murder crimes and such. It seemed like such a fun interesting job. I just finally found something that is so me! I remember my friends always telling me that I had a weird way of thinking or that I was probably some kind of murderer in my past life. lol.

& now OMG I am so excited! After I take my nclex next week, I'm gonna start going back to school for & major in forensic science. I'm still not sure how to go about it, Derick is gonna help me figure it out but I've been researching it. I think I might have to get a bachelors degree in some kind of science first like chem or bio. & then find a school and get my masters in forensic science. Ugh I'm still really confused. But my boyfriend will help me get things straight. The thing is, since I need to be working already, I will only have time to go to school as a part time student. Which means it will take me TWICE as long to finish. Honestly, I don't care if I can only take 2 classes a semester or if it takes me 10 years to actually become a legit Forensic Scientist. This is where my heart is. I'm so excited just thinking about it. I know I would excel in school too because I actually WANT to do this, I actually have the PASSION for this job. Unlike nursing. I was just so blah about it. It's such a depressing job, atleast for me. Just being around sick people, and the enviroment. IDK. I just don't think I could do that for the rest of my life.

So as of now, I decided to work. Go to school part time, take as many science classes as I can take, and even if it takes me forever, I am going to be a forensic scientst. I'm actually really excited to go back to school! Atleast nursing is a good decent job to live off for a while. Most of my classmates are going to continue on to RN but not me. I have other dreams.

Yayy! I am so happy! I can't wait to start this new journey!

New MAC stuff.

I love my new Mac highlighting powder and my new bronzer that i also use as a contouring powder!<3


Just a quick candid of myself. hahaha

Late night blogging

I can't sleep right now. I've been up for a couple hours rereading the 7th Harry Potter book.

I hope I get to chill with Sol today. I haven't seen her for almost a month already. I've been stuck at home all week. I need to get out and laugh and have a good time. I was at the mall with Derick on Saturday but that doesn't count cause we fought the whole way there, while we were there, the whole way home, and most of the time when we were actually chillin at my pad already. It's so sad. Maybe love ISN'T enough.

Anyways, on a happier note, I have been doing so much better with my diet and working out. I've been working out everyday this week for an hour and watching my calories. I've been writing down everything I eat and I am keeping track of all the calories I eat. I even got this application on my blackberry where I can search how much calories are in certain foods and a calorie tracker which calculates and tracks my daily calories. Omg soo helpful! I think I'm finally back on track! I actually feel motivated enough to actually go through with this all the way! Lose this weight and be hot again! I feel like I can't even go a day without working out. I never realized how much it relieves my stress and how good it feels after wards knowing that I am that much closer to my goal.

Today I got hit on as much as I usually would. For the past couple of weeks I've been feeling unattractive and not getting hit on as much cause of my excessive weight gain. But I guess I'm making progress =).

My nclex is in exactly 2 weeks. I really really need to study twice as hard and twice as long for these remaining days. I hope and pray that I pass! My family really needs this already!

Another thing, my grandmas bday party is coming up & I am totally dreading having to see my cousin. We got into a big fight recently and it would just be really awkward being in the same party together. Man even family would turn their back on you. What is up with this world? =/

New Goodies

My new Betsey Johnson necklace! Awee my new baby! I love it!


I got 2 new eyeshadow pallets and 1 blush pallet.

Sumptuous Olive, Newly Minted, Quarry, Samoa Silk, Tempting.


My new Kat Von D. Smokey eyeshadow pallet. I love these colors! So pigmented!

Please Me lipstick