This Week

Today- Chill with the boyfriend and laze around my house cause were both sick!!
Sunday- Church, Lunch at Claim Jumpers with Mama, Sis and Bro for a little celebration since I am now a NURSE!! =), Mall it, Babysit??
Monday- Babysit, Jedokan
Tueday- Babysit, Beach it with my BFFs and favorites!! (hopefully!)
Wednesday- Babysit, Jedokan
Thursday- Babysit, Possibly kick it with Mary?
Friday- With my love<3
Saturday- With my love<3

Officially a nurse!

THANK YOU SO MUCH MY LORD FOR ALL MY BLESSINGS, MOST ESPECIALLY FOR HELPING ME PASS MY NCLEX.

I cant believe I actually did it! I am officially part of HNA (hot nurses of america)!! Holllllerrr Nikki! Hahahahaaahaha. Omg I was so nervous! I couldn't even open the envelope my sister had too lol. & seriously it was a tearfest! Me, my sister and brother and dad were all yelling at the top of our lungs and crying and hugging each other! Lol. I wish I recorded it. I was so mad cause I really wanted to open it with my mom! But my dad was a nervous wreck and couldn't wait so he made me open it without her. When she came home we were all pretending that I failed and as she was reading the letter herself all shaky she drops it and starts jumping up and down and screaming !! It was the best ever! I really worked hard, mostly for my mom. We went through this journey together, nursing school and all the drama and stress that came along with it. Man the days where I would sleep in the van for 3 hours everyday after school cause I'm too scared to start driving again! During the summer time! The million hours studying and stressing, was all worth it. I love my mom so much! I'm soo soo glad I made her happy! I finally feel a big weight off my shoulders =) I'm so happy! Thank you Lord Jesus!!! I love you!!

& thank you to all my family and friends for all the prayers and support!

REUNITED and it feels so good!

I can't believe we FINALLY worked things out. I am soo HAPPY! It finally feels COMPLETE again. I'm scared to get my hopes up and scared to put my guards down cause I'm scared things will repeat itself all over. I don't think I can go through that again =( But as of now, I really am just so happy. So is Sol. I just hope this time, things will actually work out and maybe be like how they used to be.

YES! Finally some progress.. with EVERYTHING!! =)

I'm so happy! I've been consistent with my diet and working out and I'm finally starting to see some results lol. Not much but even just a little is good. I've been working out atleast an hour a day, eating better and in smaller portions and it feels so great! My arms don't feel as jiggily, my tummy feels smaller and I feel like I have more energy :)Yesterday I actually felt like I was gonna start CRYING cause I thought I wasn't gonna have the time to work out! lol OMG! It's starting to become my obsession again to lose this weight, and for real this time. That's how I know I'm serious this time. Hahahaha.. I ended up working out at my BFF's pad and her mom even made really yummy yet healthy dinner! I still need to go to the market and buy fruits and veggies so I can make a salad. I want to cut down on my rice more but it's hard cause there's never anything else to eat at my house! I'm babysitting right now but as soon as I'm done blogging, ima get my workout on! lol. My goal is seriously to be decent weight and size by December! & I want to look hotter on my 21st bday in November!

Today I'm babysitting again. I have to workout and shower, then Wifey is gonna come over so we can finally talk to "J" again and workout our issues. It's been almost a year since I've talked to her and I was in total shock when she actually messaged me and apologized for everything. My other Best Friend. Idk . I guess no matter how much we fight, in the end we always find each other again. I'm curious as to how its gonna go down but shes coming over today so I gotta workout and do the things I need to do before she gets here. I still have jedokan at 6 til 9!

As of me and my boyfriend, we're doing better. I mean, our communication skills are improving some what. There's less yelling and curse words. More patience and understanding. We still make mistakes here and there but we remind each other our promises to save this relationship and manage to get it back on track. I just want everything to be fixed already. I know its going to take a lot of time though. When we're happy, we're so blissfully happy. Passionate, amazing, beautiful, real, soo crazy in love. But when we fight, we're so miserable. Ughh I'm willing to do anything I can to fix US. I love him so much. I gotta do whatever it takes, & I know he'll do the same.

Thai Food/Bowling!

Today was fun. Hung out with my BFF for a while. Got ready together. Her boo picked us up. Grubbed at some ghetto Thai food place. Then went bowling. Cliff is so gay hahahahahahahaha

I love you Hunnie!

If GOD is with us, who could be against us.

:`(

My mind is such a blank right now. All I feel is bitterness and anger and hatred. Towards everyone. Especially those I loved who betrayed me and let me down. & all of a sudden the bitches I already hated, like those nasty ass bitches who hate on me, Ughh I hate them 10 million times more and I feel like killing someone! I know I sound totally evil right now, but that's how I feel. So many people that I trusted and loved, even my own family, my own BEST FRIEND and my own BOYFRIEND. I feel so abandoned. I just don't trust anyone anymore. I really am filled with so much hate right now. I keep praying that it will go away, I hate feeling like this =( Everything I thought I had already put in the past is resurfacing, except all those horrible feelings are 10 times stronger. Cause the last person I gave my all too and trusted with all of me, left me :`(

LESSON LEARNED

Yes, I was burned but I call it a LESSON LEARNED.
Mistake overturned so I call it a LESSON LEARNED.

I finally know what I have to do.

Fun day with my Faves <3

Matt is so ghetto, he took us to have dinner at Costco! lol its cool, Good food. great price!










My solos

My Goal:

My goal is to be my ideal weight by Christmas time. My birthday is on Nov. 30th so I also want to be more in shape by then too. I really have to change my way of thinking. That's why I can never lose this weight. I want to be in shape, toned and healthy. I hate myself cause I want to lose weight so much but I'm scared I'm gonna lose my booty! lol I know I'm dumb. Ughh but it's not even cute if I'm a fatty girl so whatever. I'll just avoid workouts that involve too much leg or butt workouts like running or hiking. I will eat better and in portions.Try to choose healthier foods. That's basically what I'm trying to go for with my diet. I don't want to starve myself like I did last year. I lost all my curves and went crazy cause of that! So on days that I workout for atleast an hour, I will eat around 1300 to 1500 calories but no more than 1500 calories. On days when I don't workout which is usually on the weekends or when I'm with my boyfriend I will eat no more than 1200 calories. I have to workout atleast 4 to 5 days a week.
I really really need to do this already. I miss being hot. I miss being able to wear tank tops and not feel embarassed about my huge arms! I miss being able to wear more fitting tops cause I have to hide my belly! I miss not worrying about what I have to wear or only being able to wear certains outfits. I have to stop telling myself I'll just workout tomorrow. It has to be now! I'm happy cause I had such a great workout today and I did not exceed my calorie intake which is no more than 1500 since I worked out for more than an hour. Last year I lost 40 lbs I wouldn't even eat more than 1000 calories a day! No wonder I felt so anorexic! lol So yah, this is my new diet/workout plan so I don't go crazy craving foods and break my diet. I'll allow myself but in portions and not too much, once in a while.

Working out feels soooo good =)

Omg I had the craziest most intense 2 hour workout at jedokan today! I was so red when I finished Derick kept calling me tomatoe face. It's fun working out with my boyfriend. He was dripping wet with all that sweat. It was gross cause we were sharing only one face towel. It's ok I love him. lol. Wow I haven't had a crazy work out like that for so long. It feels soo good! I ususally just workout for an hour a day my regular taebo sessions. I guess it was so hard on me today cause I don't usually do that much leg work outs for that long and it was sooo hot in the dojo. OMG, I seriously thought I was gonna pass out. I am also getting better with my blocking! I could block almost every punch Reina threw at me! Yay! lol Maybe I'll be a blackbelt soon. lol Derick is supposed to test for his first degree blackbelt I think in September?
& also I'm so happy cause I FINALLY get my workout buddy back! She has her car again and shes gonna start coming to my house every morning after she drops off her mom to work so we can get our workout on! It's much easier to stay consistent and motivated when you have a friend trying to achieve the same goal and its not as boring. lol. I can't wait to get a gym membership. It's more fun and social that way. SO yah starting Monday, Sol and I are gonna start working out together again! I'm so excited! I know I'll be much more into working out when shes here! wooohh!

Nothing like a good workout and church to ease my soul =) <3

After a While..

After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning, and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts, and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up high, and your eyes open, with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today, because tomorrow's ground is to uncertain for plans.
After a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden, and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.

My Prayer

I pray you'll be our eyes,
and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise,
in times when we don't know.
Let this be our prayer,
when we lose our way.
Lead us to the place,
guide us with your grace,
To a place where we'll be safe.

I pray we'll find your light,
And hold it in our hearts.
When stars go out each night,
Remind us where you are.
Let this be our prayer,
When shadows fill our day.
Lead us to a place,
Guide us with your grace,
Give us faith so we'll be safe.

I have to pick myself up, and just be happy. I won't let him hurt me this way anymore. I'm not going to care anymore or let this pain overcome me anymore. I deserve so much more in this life. And I will give that to myself because HE surely can't. From this moment on, I will be happy =)

Being a girl is too much fun =)

I feel like working out!! I can't wait to be hot again! LOL.

It hurts so much cause I know that we could be so great together. We could be so happy together, but things just don't seem to work out. I'm so tired of fighting. I'm tired of being unappreciated. I'm tired of being controlled. I'm tired of him fucking clicking on me all the time. I'm tired of BLOGGING all the time having to vent about our stupid issues. I'm tired of not being trusted when I've always been faithful. I should have trust issues with HIM, but I'm way more chill and don't trip out over every little thing. I give him his freedom. I give him everything. & we still can't make this work. It's so sad cause when we are not fighting, were so unbelievably happy.
I'm so confused. I just don't know what to do with this relationship anymore. One minute were so happy and in a matter of seconds were so miserable.Like how do you solve that? How can we work things out & just put our pride aside? It's getting harder and harder to do that cause the hurt & bitterness keeps building up inside us both. We just don't understand each other.
The things that I ask for are so simple. Give me my freedom. I don't want to be controlled my whole life just like how my parents have always controlled my every move just cause HE is insecure over NOTHING. I just want the good things that I do to be noticed. Even just a thank you now and then. But all he ever focuses on are my flaws and that im a "BITCH". I'm only this way cause you make me this way. He gets on my case over everything, gets mad at me for a phone call that I DIDN'T even make, and he wonders why I start acting like a bitch.
I just feel so lost.& he still just doesn't understand. I need to do this for me. I strive everyday to be happy in spite of things. & This relationship just doesn't make me happy anymore =(

THE BIG DAY!

Ok so my NCLEX is tomorrow. I am so nervous! I really don't know if I'm prepared enough but I will do my best and leave the rest to GOD <3

So close

So my NCLEX is this Tuesday and I am mad stressing out. Seriously. When I'm just practicing taking tests and everything else, I swear I get almost every question correct. & now I'm a total nervous wreck because my test is so close, I can barely even get ONE question right! What is wrong with me!?! I was never able to work well under pressure. I was always like that. But now its taking everything in me to try to get rid of all these negative, stressful, nervous feelings! As soon as I feel myself chill and be confident that I know what I'm doing, I get it all right. If I'm nervous I tend to over think everything and get it wrong. Ughh I gotta get it together like right now!
I love my boyfriend so freakin much! He is the best <3 He is amazing, and sweet, and patient, and supportive, and loving, and he helped me get through this stressful past 2 days with all my studying. He literally put up with my whiney ass the whole time. lol. He catered to my every need. If I needed a drink or anything else he got it for me. He gave me big comforting hugs, and loving passionate kisses. He fed me, and rubbed my aching back and helped me with my studying and stuff that I had problems with. OMG I freaking love him! Thank you for everything my love!
So as of my diets and workouts, I've been eating better and keeping count of all my calories on my blackberry. I really wanted to work out more this week but I really felt as if I didn't have the time or energy cause of all my studying and stressing out over my exam. Ughh. As soon as this is over with, I'm going to be working out twice as much. I really do miss being fit and healthy and hot.